Surviving…

So I lied, and didn’t keep the one resolution I had.

I’M SORRY.

We’ve literally been fighting off illness after illness, and I’m close to burning the house down. I went back and looked at the calendar and we’ve been sick since December 2.

DECEMBER 2.

That’s 57 days.

FML.

Hand, foot, and mouth (we think) , stomach bug, strep throat, ear infection, some mysterious illness, that causes a low grade fever and explosive diarrhea, that turned out to be strep, AGAIN.

I will have to say that I think the reoccurring strep could actually be my fault, because my daughter flat-out refused to take the antibiotics, and I physically had to hold her down, and I’m pretty sure she spit out most of it.

Fun times.

They don’t tell you about this joyful part of parenthood when you are family planning. They also don’t tell you about all the disgusting illnesses your children will bring into your home. If you think strep throat sounds bad, just think about strep in your child’s ass. Yes, there is such a thing as butt strep. In all of my conversations with people pre-motherhood, not one person ever mentioned butt strep, so imagine my surprise when I took my child to the pediatrician, because he kept itching his privates (which all little boys do) and they swabbed him for strep, IN HIS BUTT. Of course, the test was negative (or was it? That’s information I would take to the grave). You also don’t hear about things like pinworms, lice, warts and athlete’s foot, pre-motherhood.

PEOPLE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS MORE.

On another note, I just read about this new $80 tissue they have invented that carries viruses. I know this sounds beyond bizarre, but the theory behind it is you use it a month before an event so you can get all the illnesses out of the way, and be healthy for your function. Nothing in this world surprises me anymore.

I just want to throw it out there, to people considering spending $80 on infected tissues: save yourself the money, and just come hang at my house for an hour, for free. Or maybe I should charge, based on the severity of the illness; like $50 for step, but $100 for more severe illnesses, like the flu.

I think I’ve found my next business venture.

I do actually want to keep these tissues on hand for when people piss me off.

So basically that’s my life right now. Just busy keeping everyone alive, and making sure nothing is living in my kids’ asses.

Survival mode
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