Just as I was thanking God that I survived my unbearable pregnancy and the horrid postpartum time-frame, and things were starting return to some sort of normalcy, my body decided to kick me in the ass, and hand me another dose of reality. You see, that’s the thing about pregnancy and childbirth, it’s the gift that keeps on giving- and this time it’s coming in the form of things that make me look and feel like shit. Life just isn’t fucking fair. Some days I wish I was a man.
Hair falling out-
In the shower. In the bed. All over my favorite chair. Twisted on my newborns fingers, which is probably a hazard of many sorts. My house is one-giant-disgusting -hairball. My husband has to clean our shower almost daily to deal with the influx of hair. I never realized the love affair that I had with my hair until it started falling out in chunks. I literally cried more for my hair than any break up I’ve been through (If you saw my dating past this actually wouldn’t be shocking).
My best advice if you think you are going bald is to take a deep breath, try to remain calm, and haul ass to Walgreens and invest in some hair vitamins and Rogaine. I kid, I kid. But really, it’s going to be OK, it will grow back, eventually. At least that is what my OBGYN, hairdresser and an emergency hair hotline that I may or may not have called told me. I think they may have been lying and were just talking me off a ledge, but I chose to believe them. They assured me that hair loss is completely normal and it should be back to it’s former self in just a year. Just a YEAR. No big deal. I’ve seriously contemplated shaving my head, getting a fabulous wig, and calling it a day. I’m thinking fabulous, flowing locks like Beyonce.
Chronic Anemia-
A lucky number of us deal with anemia during pregnancy, and long after the blood-sucking parasite leaves our body. Pregnancy, combined with the blood loss from a delivery, can be a perfect storm for anemia, and it’s more likely to rear its ugly head if you had a C-section, because you lose twice as blood. Just another reason C-sections are the devil. Seriously, people who say they are the easy and “no big deal” obviously haven’t had one, or are immune to pain or something. Needless to say, that isn’t me. Postpartum anemia is something that is common but often overlooked and it can cause a shit load of symptoms that you aren’t aware of, like problems producing milk, depression, UTI’s and extreme exhaustion. Don’t be lazy like me, and chalk it up to “normal, after delivery symptoms.” If you feel like shit and there’s no relief, get your levels checks ASAP.
Belly fat left over even though you lost the weight –
I thought after I lost the weight that I would be back to my former body, just like after I had my first child. Well, bouncing back after a subsequent pregnancy is a wee bit harder than your first. Even though I’ve lost the actual baby weight there is still lose skin that you I can’t shake. Ok, that’s not exactly the truth- you can most definitely shake it (picture a tidal wave). Don’t be alarmed if it takes blood, sweat and a lot of tears to get a resemblance of your former stomach back. And truth be told; your stomach may never return to it’s normal self, and that’s ok-you grew a human, chill the fuck out.
Periods that leave your bathroom looking like a crime scene –
I know this is gross, and not something that a lady should be discussing, but I’ve had two children and we are a little past disgusting at this point. I’m not going to lie; the first postpartum period is nothing short of terrifying. There is literally blood everywhere, and you wonder if they may have accidentally nicked your uterus in delivery because there is absolutely no way that this much blood is normal. I remember calling my Dr. and telling him that I was bleeding to death, and he laughed and said that it was totally normal and that my cycles would regulate after a few months. They did, but I’m still traumatized for life for the amount of blood I saw.
Some woman recover from childbirth like a champ and have zeros issues, and that is beyond amazing (eye roll), but for some of us we are left with lingering ailments that make it tens times harder to care for our newborn. The good thing is that these things do get better with time and patience; it just sucks ass in the interim.
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I feel you. There is a photo of me and my first newborn in her baby book in which I look HORRENDOUS. I thought about ripping it out and burning all traces of it the first few times I thumbed through her book with her. But I decided to leave it in. It depicts truth; something dear and precious. It’s not to be covered up or disposed of and forgotten, it’s to be seen and told and talked about. That’s what will help her if she decides to become a mother, not me trying to smooth over motherhood.
Knowing the truth and reality of birthing and recovery is what will equip her and let her know she is not alone when she’s in the valley of sleepless nights and a worn out and dysfunctional body.
There is no ideal, no right way to parent from start to finish, other than with love. Telling our truths is a form of love and bravo to you for telling it like it is. It sucks ass for awhile and the hindsight takes over and the dirty mo-fo trickster or loving friend that is will tell us that it was wonderful and worth it and we may even do it all over again!