The Big Kolache

My family doesn’t have family members, we have characters. When my family walks into an event, you  are keenly aware. My sister in law, who has just relocated from Thailand, has nicknamed us the “Kolache Family” because well, we love kolaches. And sausage. And beer. My dad is specifically called the “Big Kolache.” I’m not sure he is privy to this nickname but it suits him oh so well. Shout out to my clever cousin for that gem. The thing about the Kolache Family is that we all have our idiosyncrasies and hang ups about strange things, just like any real dysfunctional family. The Big Kolache’s biggest hang up just happens to be anything having to do with the modern world, specifically technology. I love my father to pieces but he can be a real pain in the ass when it comes to anything he is not familiar with. He doesn’t use the computer and for sure doesn’t know what “online” means. Forget about sending and receiving emails. And a text message is a foreign language to him. He prefers to fax and make actual phone calls. I get so frustrated because he is making his life much more complicated than it needs to be. I just want to shake some sense to him until I realized that maybe he is onto something.

We spent the weekend at the beach with my family and it happened to be our 5th wedding anniversary. The Big Kolache showed up with his usual cell phone from 1990 and his notebook that he runs his business from. To be clear, it’s not a Mac notebook or any sort of digital notebook. It’s a real leather-bound notebook that is falling apart at the seams. Of course we poked a ton of fun at him for not wanting to leave the dark ages. He had his usual quick whitted comebacks and reasoning for why technology is going to ruin us all and how back in his day….

Why do parents always speak about “their day” as if they were pitching a tent in Antarctica?

The thing is, for our anniversary I’m usually flooded with phone calls and texts wishing us well but this year I only received two well wishes. I thought about it for a while and it all made sense. I had decided to unplug and spend time with my family over the weekend and hadn’t posted my usual serenade to my husband on Facebook so naturally no one remembered. How sad it is that we solely depend on social media as our reminder when it comes to special occasions such birthdays, anniversaries and the birth of children? It’s almost as if it doesn’t happen on social media, it’s not happening. Do you know who did remember our anniversary? My Dad and my 90-year-old Grandma.

My dad and his ancient notebook and 1990’s cell phone with no “reminder calendar” on it. And my Grandma with her sticky notes and landline.

Neither of them are on Facebook so me unplugging didn’t phase them in the least, they remembered because they wanted to and it’s important to them. They have real paper calendars and like clock work, they always send a celebration card in the mail. This time my Dad had a card waiting. It made me think about how in this day and age being thoughtful without a reminder has for sure become a lost art. This is not a dig at people who didn’t contact me. It’s a freaking anniversary not my birthday. Which if you forgot my birthday, you would have hell to pay.  I actually didn’t even have an anniversary card for my husband which is just shameful.

My point here is that the Big Kolache may be stubborn as a mule but he may be onto something just relying on a pen and paper and his memory to keep track of special occassions.

Obviously I cannot live my life unplugged but I have a new found respect and understanding for his irrational stance.

I will now take this moment to serenade my husband publicly, since he religiously reads the blog (LOL).

Happy 5 years to the man who puts up with me day in and day out. I think that we are doing a damn good job at this marriage thing. Just think, no one has been arrested. CPS hasn’t been called(that I’m aware of). And we haven’t gotten liver disease. YET.