Not on my watch….

I’ve always been a little crazy conservative with who cares for my child and have always thought no one could do as good of a job as me. I would call myself a very cautious and over-protective Mom in general but my husband would probably say that a better description is “up-tight” and “controlling.” I run a tight ship and always like to control monitor what my child is doing. You can never be too safe. In fact, our motto at home is “Safety First,” which I know is going to come back to bite me in the ass in his teenage years.

If you see me at the playground, I’m the Mom who is always next to my child, catching him if he falls and telling him what he should and shouldn’t be doing. Unless I’m drinking, then I’m super laid back. You want Holly with her Yeti full of wine. She’s a heck of a lot more fun and doesn’t have a care in the world.

My micro-managing doesn’t just start and stop when I am present. When we leave town, I have been known to check on him a million times because I just know things cannot be running “up to my standards”  if I’m not there and this point has been proven time and time again.

I think the best example happened about a year ago when I left him with my brother for the day and he let him go head first down a huge slide at Monkey Joe’s and ruined his two front teeth. There was blood, screaming and two dead teeth. My brother says I should be thanking him because at least he didn’t lose his teeth. He is correct, they didn’t fall out. They just turned brown and will stay that way until he is 7 and gets his permanent teeth.He just turned four. I really owe my brother for his stellar supervision. Thank the Lord for photoshop.

There was also the time I left him with my dad for three days and and he fed him only beans and prunes and forgot to buckle his carseat the whole time. That diet sure was fun for me to deal with the next week.

The list goes on and on of mishaps that have happened when I’m not around and able to monitor every situation. I would never allow those things to happen under my supervision because, lets be honest, no one can parent as perfectly as me. At least that is what I had convinced myself until last Friday….

It was early afternoon and Carlos and I were doing the usual nap dance, which consists of me counting 1-2-3 (just to be clear, nothing really happens at 3)multiple times, taking away privileges and basically threatening his life if he gets out of that damn bed one more time.

I had succombed to the fact that he was probably just going to have “quiet time” in his room and I went on to do a pseudo phone interview for a job I’m really interested in. I popped out a couple times to check on him and he was being quiet in his room. I continued my conversation for about 10 more minutes in my bedroom then walked in the living room to grab a pen and paper. What I saw when I walked in the living room made my heart stop. It was a scene straight out of a toddler horror movie. My son was on the floor with scissors and a huge butcher knife attempting to cut a new toy out of a box. I about passed out. I screamed bloody murder and hung up the phone in the midst of my interview. Needless to say, I won’t be getting that job. No one wants to hire a Mom who cannot get her shit together for a 15 minute phone conversation. I was so upset, I didn’t even know how to handle the situation. So many things were going through my head. I grabbed him and immediately checked him for wounds. He had sliced his pants but there were no injuries.

Thank you Jesus.

He has never held a knife. We have never really talked about knives except that they are super dangerous and can really hurt him.

At that moment as a parent, I didn’t know how to parent and that was terrifying to me. I’m usually in control of most situations. I was in such shock. I have never felt that way before and it was scary and overwhelming. It’s like someone took the breath out of me. I grabbed him and said he did something very very bad and sent him to his room and I sat on the couch for a good 10 minutes just processing. I just keep thinking about the things that could’ve gone wrong. It’s not like the knife was accessible. He had to pull up a chair to the counter, climb on the counter, take the knife out of the butcher block then get back down, without injuring himself.

We had a huge talk and I actually pulled out the knife to show him how dangerous it could be. I kept asking if he understood and he said, “Yes Mommy, I was so brave.”

I think I may have some work to do on my “knife safety training”….

I have to admit that even though this whole situation was so scary and shook me to my core, I am secretly thinking it was just a wee bit genius (in a never do this again but how the hell did you pull that off way).

I don’t wan’t to glorify this situation in any way BUT I would say his fine motor skills are pretty steller. It’s ironic because his teacher gave him his lowest grade in “cutting.” I think she may want to re-evaluate that one….

So, after this whole knife ordeal I have come to the conclusion that my cat could probably keep a better eye on my child than me. I cannot watch his every move and always keep him out of harms way. It’s just not realistic. In fact, the most dangerous thing he has ever done happened on my watch. I hate admitting when I’m wrong and relinquishing control in any sector of my life but I’ve decided to let up on my micro-managing, just a little.

I’ll be posting a schedule soon and anyone can sign up to watch my child. You just need to have a pulse.

We are headed to Cabo and I know Carlos will be as safe as he would be with us BUT I guess that isn’t saying much, LOL.