It was a usual Tuesday morning where I was folding laundry and trying to figure out how the hell to use Twitter when I heard a segment on the Today show in the background about how to stay thin over the Holidays. Naturally, I was intrigued.
Could this be my golden ticket???
The mystery that all women have been trying to solve since the beginning of time: How to not become a fat ass over the Holidays and have to deal with the repercussions come New Year’s then have to starve ourselves until spring.
I dropped everything and was doing and sat down to hear this amazing advice.
Below is the article that I ‘think’ they were referencing (disclaimer for legal purposes) by Vanderbilt University Medical Center dietitian and certified personal trainer Jessica Bennett if not then I just wrote a whole blog about an irrelevant article but entertaining nonetheless. Of course, I read this and had to make my own comments because, well, that’s what bloggers do.
Here are Bennett’s 10 tips for avoiding holiday weight gain:
1.) Don’t skip meals before a party or family dinner—the “saving to splurge” strategy doesn’t usually work in the end.-
I don’t know about you but I do not miss a meal on purpose…..EVER.
I do have kids though.
Kids that I’m constantly chasing around and waiting on hand and foot. If you factor that in, along with the Holiday cheer that I’m expected to spread this time of year, sometimes a meal just isn’t in the cards.
Many times my ‘meals” consist of a bag of fruit snacks that I find on my floor-board or the bottom of my purse. I’m not embarrassed to admit this. I’m a mom, its survival of the fittest.
2.) Avoid going to a party hungry—have a snack, such as an apple or a handful of nuts.
An apple or handful of nuts does absolutely nothing for me. Has an apple ever curbed someone’s appetite?? And who snacks on these things? Enlighten me please.
3.) At a party or buffet, assess all the food options first and take small servings of food that you really want. Don’t just load up on whatever’s there.-
So let me get this straight…. I’m supposed to take inventory of all my food options while people are waiting in line behind me THEN pull out my calorie counter app on my phone to make sure that I’m making “wise food choices?”
All this while making a plate for me and my kids.
NO FREAKING THANK YOU
4.) Taste foods before adding salt—most foods already have plenty of salt.
Yes, let me stand in a buffet line and taste all my food to make sure it doesn’t need salt. I’m doubting there will be an overabundance of salt shakers so I will be hoarding it, one bite at a time.
That wont make me look like I’m a complete weirdo with some sort of salt eating disorder.
5.) Choose a smaller plate if you have a choice.
I’m not sure what dinner parties you are attending but there aren’t usually a variety of plate sizes. You get what’s in front of you and you move on. I guess I could start asking the host for a teeny tiny plate because after all, I’m at a Holiday party and watching my weight.
In fact, maybe I should add bringing my own food and plates to these gatherings, like a pre-made bento box where everything is measured perfectly so there is no room for error.
6.) Avoid eating standing up—it’s a lot harder to keep track of how much you’ve eaten while on your feet and moving around.
This dietician must not have children because once again, do any of us get a chance to sit down, let alone, eat sitting down???
I can assure you though if there is a chair and I have time to sit, I will find it. No need to even say number 6, we are all on the same page here Sista!
7.) Make it a point to eat slowly—even put your fork down between bites.
Chew….pause….count 1,2,3,4,5, swallow, take a breath And repeat.
I guess this is a good one because picking up and putting down the fork so many times combined with all this extra chewing may actually be burning some of these calories we are consuming.
Number 7 is legit.
8.) Watch out for high-calorie beverages. A good way to do this is have water or sparkling water between drinks, and also to dilute juices with water.
Sorry Uncle Joe, I cannot have your famous egg nog, do you have any diluted apple juice that I can spike with Vodka?? Preferably in a sippy cup, since that’s what I serve my three year old and lets face it, I’m used to it.
Actually, I’m afraid diluted apple juice may still have may have too many calories so I should probably stick with Vodka on the rocks. Am I allowed to have ice? No one has mentioned the calorie consequences of ice. I’m thinking ice is good especially if you chew it because once again, it’s calories being burned.
Straight vodka and a tiny portion of food could make for quite a bit of fun for me at this party. I just hope that I’m sober enough to gage my audience and that they ‘appreciate’ my drunk humor.
I’m sort of excited to try this one….
9.) Don’t think you have to eat all the leftovers yourself; share them with family and friends.
I love this one. It may be my favorite. I never get left overs, EVER. I’m lucky if I get ‘first overs’ with my family.
10.) The day of a party or family meal, make it a priority to do something active.
I was thinking maybe I could arrange a ‘Christmas Caroling Fun Run.’ That way we can spread Holiday cheer while getting exercise. I’m just hoping Grandma’s pacemaker is up to snuff and that everyone is sober enough to stay on the sidewalk.
Oh…they may mean before the party. Even better. Lets all do a quick 5 k before we get everything ready for a party of 50 plus guests. That sounds logical and easy.
I would like to add that maybe just locking yourself in a closet and skipping the party could be an option so you aren’t tempted to eat or drink or crack a smile over the Holidays……